If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
