This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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