My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
