Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
