just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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