There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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