He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
