Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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