and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
