Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
