He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
