It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
