Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
