I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
