I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
