Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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