you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
