i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Text me some of your sweat
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
