there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
