i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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