You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
