seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
