porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
