It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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