She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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