i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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