You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
