I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
