Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
