thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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