Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
