Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
