finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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