When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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