actually, I'm a sock model
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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