JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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