phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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