saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
