Someone shit on the floor
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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