I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
