my mouth tastes like poor choices
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
