I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
