i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
