Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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