the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
