Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
