Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
