Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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