Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
