she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
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