yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
