I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
